Fixation?

57C833FE-4992-43C5-9766-612F6DE10E54To the journey that never ends.
The game of inceptions and deceptions, you never stop do you?
Thanks to you, I came back. Been dead lately.

From point blank to the flashes of white light. Letting me fly and run through each door I’ve been through and the ones I couldn’t open.

A drastic mutation yet an eye opener or maybe an eye closer. Was it real or just another mode to deceive me?

H.O.P.E. never dies.
U.N.T.R.U.E. maybe it died too.

Played on my instincts maybe they don’t always pay well, or maybe they were just false calls.

The canyon just went too dark, testing the break-even. Shall I fake it to stop the further darkness or just play the cards and wait until it goes to dark age again.

The new age of evolution to begin again? Is it the warning of a wrong path or the final outcome.
A mistake or a failure?
Demons on my side but after all even the demons feed on something. Well, it’s time to clean them up or pray for your resurrection

A new beginning or the end of the fucking world!?

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Fall/Fly; Game On.

Sun might be shining out there, but is it shining out there for you? Feelings of being stuck into this maze, what are running from, kid?

Is it yourself or the sunshine?

You’re pushing yourself away while getting immersed into these Ashes.

Was it even worth it? All of this, the storms, the rains, the sunshine and the moonlight that you saw.

Broken, ruptured and drained from within. Is it that time again when the sun stopped shining for you and dark took over?

Nostalgic feels but really? There’s no coming back from the dark this time. You know that, right?

Comeback trail would suffice but are you even thinking of it? Being here, without no one being your own enemy, while letting it eat you from inside weren’t you supposed to eat everything outside?

Where’s the adrenaline rush now? Where’s the old you, that you destroyed or is it the new you, you destroyed.

Is there even a comeback?

Might be or might be not.

But you’re supposed to fight it rather than running away while the dark captures you. You’re letting it haunt yourself, suicide.

Run Fucker, Run

& make it count.

Unfinished sonnets.

I gazed the stars.
All I dreamt of was fast cars.

Moon questioned the gloom.
Asked the mirror, "you made a promise to bloom?"

Was that the demon?
Or another learnt lesson?

As the sky and sea meet at horizon.
I was sure to dizen.

From being smooth
; to this familiar soothe.
Yet, there was perturb in the mood.

I bet;
You were something special in that dress.
My bad, for the mess.

Hey king!?

Hey little fighter things will soon turn brighter.

Are you feeling the tranquil rush? Don’t fumble, we are mere toys of this jungle.

Yes, you are the king. You are the lion. Oh you went hunting for the deer. How was it?

The deer’s gone. Why were you even chasing it then? When it had to leave each time? Or where you even chasing it?

The deer about which you always thought of keeping it? Why isn’t it there? Maybe it never wanted to be in your vicinity? Or maybe it has joined the herd? Maybe the deer was playing on you? You mighty lion you’ve lost the catch.

But you’ve always had it in the back of your mind to stop chasing it, right? Why are you feeling lost today? You won. But really? Did you ? Look at yourself how it ran away making you look like fool.

You always had the good within you, but till when? Till when would you not embrace the dark side of yours? Till when would run the war with half of yourself?

Are you not prepared this time? Time has come again, raging in like a storm. The history being repeated and where are you heading with that goodness? Is it all you’ve dreamt for?

Is it good to be bad or bad makes feel good? Good made you feel peace, but really? Your hope is shaky this time. Why? It was just a small catch. Your wish of keeping a friend within the kingdom has failed, yet again. Really wish, the deer would know your intentions. But deer is a deer. It had to leave.

Why are you fucking running from it, this time? Look at yourself, how well you’ve been overshadowed by others. Your kingdom has become a mere woodland. 

Tell me, are you made for this? Maybe it’s time, you start playing in the dark. Donot give no shit to anyone nor take. Do your own thing, you’re made for this.

It was a mere deer. You are a fucking lion. Let them know your worth. It’s time explore and fucking galore the shit in your kingdom.

It’s to see the angels fall. If they won’t fucking shoot them, hunt them, eat the shit outta them.

The deer is gone, but not the sheeps. Are you ready for this?

In the loving memory of the deer.

Collateral Beauty

2nd May’17

Dear Love. Time. Death.,

Hey? Hey look up, do you see a sky full of stars?

Matter is anything that occupies space, but does matter matter to you? Everything in this world emits energy and energy cannot be destroyed. Then where does the all the energy after the matter is gone?

Does that matter really join up and become one of the stars?

Of all the expectations or memories you had? Will they get destroyed?

I don’t even know how to recall ? Was it a star who has fallen like a stardust or was it the stardust which went up like a star?

Sure, the matter guides you throughout but will you portray it’s guidances or will you grieve for not having unfinished portrayal?

Was it strong not to emit vain? Or was it weak for hiding?

They’ve been crying, but later they laughed. Were they hiding or they were embracing?

Some say it’s good to dim the fire to respect what’s gone? But don’t you think the star would love if the fire gets inflamed instead and how proud it would feel to know that it made you stronger than ever. Maybe that’s what it wants now. Carry your flame & torches. 

So, was it right to have this repercussion? Or it deserved a congratulatory promotion to the new dimension?

Fire and Ice – A fight between a strong mind & a vulnerable soul.

Back in the stranded valley. He’s there, back in the game; staring the one who’s was always there for him no matter what. As he saw himself in the mirror, he’s staring himself like a lone wolf stares the moon because that’s what he can see in pitch black. 

This time, he believes no one trusts his self-righteous suicide. As he got forsaken by his own thoughts, by himself. Though he cried as angels deserved to die.

It wasn’t that his star stopped glimmering for him but this time he made himself do that. 

He believes his star can’t be there around anymore. He believes there  bond was clear from all kind of superficiality but was wrong. He star was ice while within him there was this fire enraged.

He respects, fire & ice can be silent admirers of both but can’t stay together. Both are anyway harmful for one another.

The ice is master of its sea; while he by the grace of fire and the flames would be alright. Though, both are meant to touch zenith when together.

He has learned, even this phase would pass while he’s trying to bury the vain with the lies all over. Drained down, he reckons, now who’s gonna rock him through the dark side of the morning?

But being adamant to his decision. He knows, he would touch the horizon all alone. Being on his own, he knows how to play that card.

Deep down, he knows he’s a lowlife as he knows he can’t bury the undead. If he had to, he would lose even the last bit of himself. Losing himself to find him again, that’s all he said.

He even knows he’ll be back but getting back to whom? To himself said the fire within. 

It’s the battle of a vulnerable soul and a strong mind. Mind knows, it would lose in the long run but stuck, not just stuck but exhausted of the reliance he had of ice. He relied a lot. Fire almost lost its spirit to give its all to the ice; “that’s why I’m adamant enough this time”, said the mind. Fire gave almost everything this time, it went too deep.

He has learned a lot this time. And this time, he has come up with de- risking model of not relying excessively on anything in particular. 

Back in the valley, he’s still the wolf who’s musing of all these new possibilities. 

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

He’s playing on a single strand of thread, sure he’s playing the death game. Better, find a guide a pathway of light.

He’s back again stronger and not in dark as he was. Shining in the light, playing with the merry sun.

Remember the sole path of light which gave him the hope? It came in from a star which he became very fond of.

The day he got in light, he seemed to admire that star from a distance often sharing the gloomiest things which he wouldn’t to anyone. Only thing he dreamed of was reaching the star which he admired.

And one day, his dream came true. He didn’t reach but felt the star within him. He became unstoppable, he knew nothing could really stop him from now on. With the light and power of the star, he knew he could reach heights and star not only became his sole desire of affection but an addiction. He believed the star could heal all his scars, so he give his all in.

Just when the scenario seemed perfect. The star maybe felt shadowed, star felt something was not letting it shine brighter, a thing made it feel dark. 

That thing, damaged the bond of him and his star. He became weak, helpless and burdened. He put all his efforts and the star shunned the eclipse it was bright again but not for long…

He believed in that divine rhythm, and a night, he dreamed of chaos, devastation. Sure, that chaos choked him the whole day. He, after realising how much he was dependant on the star. Yet, he hoped the star would solve this too. He was wrong, star was eclipsed again. This time, even he knew that it’s not his game. Yet, he prays for the star to fight this.

And in the end of the day, the star is still eclipsed, almost lost in the darkness of the night. It’s dark again, will he get the light? If not how will survive? Will he play on the survivors guilt or wait for the star to shine again? Sure, he won’t let go of what gave him light as,

He hopes for the star to win the fight while he waits for it in the dark.

Darker, Stronger.

Sure, he had been losing. Everyone loses shit, there comes a time gets tough, and tougher it gets the darker it goes. Darker it goes, seclusion grows.

Facing the All Time Low,
Making the Darkness Flow.
May you see what it took,
Believe it as a mere chapter of his book.
He got that shock,
Ventured to face without his flock
Falling into the hands misery,
He knew nothing but slavery.
Slave to the games,
He took the blames.
Mocking the invisible chains.
Now, he knew there’s no stopping.
He didn’t stop popping
Through self belief, he self empowered
Now you know, he’s not coward.
He made a promise he’ll back.
Will you join his pack?

Darker, it got. He lost all hope and everything even the last light was gone. He was traumatised by the hands of despair, the dark clouds were always above his hair.

Suddenly, one day he found a crystal but it was dark. The crystal in dark became pointless, until he threw the crystal that blew the the walls which covered the light.
He was  afraid and nervous to see the light again. It was something new for him at that time. Yet, the  crystal broke into smaller pieces which made that small ray of light glow into corners, he was still afraid and went on to play safe in dark.

Inside, he knew he has embraced dark enough to make it a power source.
He is not afraid anymore.

At present, he is still in dark, preparing for the light.
This time, he knows he has to shine brighter & he’s not alone.
He’s gonna fight day&night for the judgement day, waging
for nothing but retaliation.

The scope of horoscope

​​Do you believe in horoscope/sun signs?

If yes, you’re an idiot.

Honestly, I laugh at all of you. It has always been pointless and you’re being fooled each and every time.

As we all are unique yet have some general qualities which are common with almost everyone like Funny, Secretive, Romantic, Caring etc. 

Everyone is Funny in a way;

Everyone is Romantic in a way;

Everyone is Secretive in a way;

Everyone is Caring in a way.
Another example:

Beautiful people belong to blah blah blah months.

– Like seriously?
Yet, you get fooled everytime and believe that you belong to ‘blah blah’ sign and get jelled with other characteristics of same sign.

Grow up, look out and realise everyone is different and beautiful in his/her own way.

Stop stereotyping/categorising yourself into something as narrow as your ‘blah blah’ signs.

Until, I Collapsed.

Strange times, nothing to say. No urge to hear anything whatsoever. Have you felt this moment? Where nothing stays, everything goes into vain. When your chest can’t bear the heaveniness. When even the tiniest essence of hope couldn’t protect itself from completely fading away. No hope, pure dark. When the even the purest waters feel like acids flow, everything you wished for is simply burning. When there’s no one to trust, nothing to share. You are losing trust even in yourself..everything is leaving except that disgust which you are bearing from yourself. This renegade feeling where each moment is choking your throat with bare hands and no sign of light. It’s just you’re lost in a mirage & been quarantined. There are no expectations, even the smallest pinch of light makes you smile like anything. Did you ever imagine that you would grow this strong or will the dark last this long? 

Ever today I remember that bad day, when I trusted the gut, had belief, had belief. 

‘Til I collapse, here I’m just a fighter who gave up the hope, to testify the slavery he’s lured into. 

Left with a belief, an ignite, an essence to nullify this disgust. He believes, he can take on everything he’s thrown into but he doesn’t know, he’s just a learner; worst is approaching.